Seeing you in a distant place

Seeing you in a distant place is kind of different for me, to think about it as it’s kind of a strange feeling at all, like to be far far away from you or it's like a feeling that you are being fading away with time and effort. The more effort I am putting, the more away you are going now and I could feel all that thing in my mind, my soul and my body too. We have spent a large span of time together since childhood to now and now it’s merely not possible for me to see my dreams being flown away from me, and sometimes I think that one day what if we met while I am with some new and strange dream and saw you nearby like you being my ex-dream or my past, how awkward would it be. All our assumptions, promises will be drowned down to a newer extinct. You know what, it’s not easy to be alive even after giving up your own life as dreams are not less than life, but running away from your dreams is a sign of being cowardly too. But I have my own explanations about all of these things that how I seemed to be cowardly or weak to you, the thing is conditions changes with time and so do people but I was the same every time with same level of commitment and love towards my dreams and I still love those moments when I was trying to live all of those but you know what something is changed now, you can say it commitment, passion or anything but I could say it was time only and our needs at that particular time. Now it feels so empty near me always, but there was no sign of emptiness earlier but now I am ok with it as it feels like I am habitual of it or can say it’s the truth that I have to accept.

Seeing you going away heartlessly only because of me, hurts everytime, but sometime I think I am not responsible everytime of everything because everything changes with time so do I, but I would love to see you in some distant place on a random day, that encounter will be a mere surprise but inside me, still some part of mine still want you, still want my dream that I used to think about, that I used to put efforts in, that I tried to live.

Yes you were difficult so what?

I thought and I was committed to do everything what it needs to be done, to live with and to live my dream and it breaks me whenever I think of you, being my past who could be my future, with whom I had spent most of my childhood either dreaming with or dreaming about, but you know what as they say time can heal everything but not this, this wound on my heart. How miraculous the moment will be when we will get see each other, I will be the same unsuccessful void and failure and you being  a beautiful charming dream as always and like I always thought.

P.S. This is an apology letter written to the dreams that we all saw in our childhood but which are buried with time as we all grew up.